too much history here

since ’84 I watch them come and go.  many have different stories,  pain,  lust and fetish. just when you think you understand them you realize that there is so much complexity in human beings.  they go through so much and yet their strength is based on how they overcome their struggles and how tight they hold on to their dreams.  in me I have seen people concentrate in class,  argue,  make sound decisions,  get drunk and black out.  In me there have been concerts with young people willing to do all they can to meet their destinies. I have seen the good and bad.  I mean the happiness and the sorrow.  the despair.  I see and I hear but I cannot help because I am just a hall with four walls but I see a lot.  it was back in ’99 when she arrived in campus.  I have seen much before and after her but there was no one that ever amused and amazed me as she did.  I still wonder how she goes on with all that pain,  anguish incorporated with self-doubt at times.  her smile lightens me up.  the way she talks with a voice that is so courageous makes me know that anyone can make it life.  she came here the first time to watch a play.  she sat on the floor since all the seats were occupied.  she was wearing a purple dress.  I knew she was a thespian by how she reacted to the play.  after the play she asked the director to add her in the next play. I remember how he looked at her like he thought she could do nothing but her enthusiasm proved him wrong and how he loved her.  she fell in love with one of the actors but he just wanted to deflower her and he did. then he broke her heart in this very room.  she used to come here most nights and switch off the lights.  she would cry but encourage herself to continue.  at those times I wanted to hold her and tell her all would be well but of course I couldn’t. she continued to act always better than the last time.  I remember how one day she was shagged on this raw of chairs by a guy she didn’t even like.  she felt so cheap afterwards.  it wasn’t as it had been with the other guy.  she was slowly losing hope in love.  she also kissed a girl in this very same atmosphere. there is so much history in here,  she was saying last night but that was before her director difiled her and left her bleeding on the very raw of chairs she had made love to the guy she loved.  she sits here asking when it will get better,  why men use her the way they do and why she hasn’t found love like most of her peers!  tonight she is performing petals of the wind.  she is the star of the show.  she is acting with the boy she loved together with the director.  a three-man play.  she is acting as a prostitute who is rescued by love. the director is the pimp and the other one is her solace.  she doesn’t think she will make it but she knows she will.  in the crowd will be three men she has slept with and two of them are coming with their girlfriends,  one is coming with his gang of friends to whom he exposed her naked photos.  the girl she kissed is here with her boyfriend.  the boy she is currently rubbing off her pain on is also on the front row.  she knows it will only last for two weeks anyway.  there she is in backstage puffing one for the stage.  soon the curtains will open and
another of her many histories will be on play.

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